Love's Plan

True love must have something of Him in it- either from the very beginning a relationship built around His holy presence, or else existing in it before the couple really knows or understands Him, being born later in the marriage. Anything else, I suspect, will eventually crumble into a thousand pieces. We must always seek to build on fertile ground.

Demolition

To get to what is true, sometimes we must bear to watch the fantasy crumble and come to an end, no matter how painful. The wrecking ball must come in and level the whole structure, so that we can begin building something that is at last real and permanent. He takes no pleasure in bringing down our house of cards, but it would be a greater injustice to go on allowing us to believe we were living in a real house. Truth is always better than ignorance, no matter how blissful we think it was.

The Great Guide

The more you listen to His voice, the louder it will become. What starts as a barely audible whisper that can easily be dismissed begins to transform into a megaphone- and it is one you will instantly recognize. The unmistakeable shout can be ignored, of course, but it will be much harder now that you know for certain that it belongs to Him. I have fallen a few times over the past several days and was immediately shown the right way to go. The sin, at least at this point, seems somewhat irrelevant as long as I keep moving toward Him. He is guiding me more now than I ever could have imagined- stop signs are popping up everywhere, fences being placed in front of me- not to halt me in my tracks, but detouring me to take the Right road. The Great Guideman is actually unfolding the map for me right before my very eyes.

The New Life

Truly living as a Christian is never easy. It really is an entirely new life, once turned completely over to the Lord. At times it is like awaking from a very long coma- still unsure of surroundings, what to do, how to act- there is the constant feeling of sudden responsibility, weakness in areas that still need strengthening, a long road ahead. There is also a partial desire to go back to the "safety" of the hospital bed you've awoken from. It was so much easier than what now lies ahead: the "physical therapy", the re-learning everything, the months of struggle and battles that surely awaits . . . but who on earth would honestly go back to simply existing day after day? Better to press forward and get stronger, no matter how difficult it will be. Once He awakens you from the slumber, there is no going back to sleep. He expects Great Things.

From The Inside Out

I have been praying for cosmetic changes to my life: surface renovations, new paint, landscaping, a simple garden- things I (and others, of course) would notice quickly. He would have none of that. First, the Father works not from the outside in, but from the inside out. He is concerned with the duller (and far more important) changes that you won't see in your life right away. What good is a painted home if the plumbing is shot? All the nice landscaping is meaningless if there are holes in the walls and floorboards inside. There is the faint sound of hammering going on far beneath the surface, in places I had no intention of repairing. What on earth is He up to? So, now that I have surrendered and given this life over completely to Him, I find that the changes are coming from within. Other things will just have to wait. If there is no time for paint, no room for a garden, so be it. Perhaps if I had started sooner? No answer, only "Trust Me". I must now trust in the Great Builder with everything. It is both exciting, terrifying and annoying all at the same time. But of course, He knows best. Many blessings to all.

Sweet Surrender

The time comes when the sword you are fighting with on your own must be plunged into the ground, all weapons surrendered, walls brought down, safety nets dismantled. The fight is over, the white flag is raised, and we must now (at last) drop to one knee and believe. We have done all we can do, written all we can write, prayed all that can be said, but it is the sweet surrender He desires, and sometimes the only thing left. The battlefield now, at long last, belongs to Him.

In His Time

Don't be surprised when you pray, particularly if you are praying very hard for something, that you are met with silence. That great, terrible, unmistakeable quiet with only the ticking of the clock as background noise. I'm not sure why this is, but I am noticing it more and more. It's almost as if we are trying too hard- that we are grasping at straws rather than waiting for an answer from Him. It's like waiting on guests to arrive at your home- the more you keep going to the door and checking, the less it seems like anyone will ever arrive. Only when you forget about it and begin doing something else, putting it out of your mind, do you find that suddenly people start arriving. If you are trying to remember something, the worst thing you can do is put all your focus on it. "It's just on the tip of my tongue- but I can't think of it!" Only later, after you've forgotten about it, will the answer come to you. Don't stop praying- but don't expect answers right away either. His voice will come, clearer than you could ever possibly imagine- at a time when you are doing something else- and each time getting clearer and clearer.

Loser Lose All

The great tragedy in promiscuity, in sleeping with a variety of partners with no real attachment or committment, is that it takes a small part of the person away each time. I suspect that with each fling, with each new partner, you leave just a small portion of your soul that you can never get back again. Men may be using women, but it takes a toll on them as well. The terrifying thing is that it may affect marriage on down the line, so that you have so little to give your mate that the entire thing collapses like a house of cards. This may explain why those who live together before marriage have such a terrible time of it after the wedding. Trust has been sacrificed, and now causes underlying problems. Of course, with God all things are possible.

Map Signals

Be careful what you wish for- you just might get it. Some are determined to go their own way, ignoring all the warning signals, the red flags, advice, even logic simply because it is what they want at the moment. Just remember that what you want today, what you think you'd give every ounce of your being to have, may not be what you will want six months, a year from now- even 5 years. That out of reach jewel may sparkle like diamonds from a distance, but keep in mind that "all that glitters is not gold". Stop insisting on what you want, and let Him give you what you need. If only I had taken this advice in my twenties, but . . . we live and learn. And there is a plan. There's always a plan.

Love

True love doesn't age, but is timeless. It dies and is reborn several times over the course of a marriage, but it is without end. It cannot be bought or paid for, will never go out of fashion, and it is continually self sacrificing. It is possibly the closest we will ever come in this life to fully emulating Christ, each day dying a little bit more for the other and to ourselves, and in the end overcoming a small bit of the world. It may just last forever.

Doctor's Visit

The closer I try to get to the God, the more I find Him opening my eyes to things about myself that I'd really rather not see, terrible things: jealousy, anger, selfishness, lazy, back-biting, self-centered, arrogant, double-minded, distrusting, prideful . . . a myriad of very bad qualities lurking just beneath the surface, sometimes excellently concealed and hidden- even from myself. The point in showing me these things is not to bring me down, but rather for me to know how desperate my case is without Him. Make no mistake, none of us are without sin, but we are in a great deal better situation if we know the truth than proceeding on with a lie. The man who thinks he's alright will never go to the doctor, even if it's the only thing that can save his life. Better to find out all the problems and deal with them, then let the healing begin. The Father can turn jealousy to trust, anger to peace, selfishness to self sacrifice, pridefulness to pure holiness- but first we must realize we are sick.

Pain Opens the Door

It's an odd thing that the more sorrowful and sad I feel, the closer I am to Him- the more willing I am to finally put my life under His control. In bliss, when times are good, the Lord becomes an after thought- on the back burner. When my sturdy little house of cards finally collapses, however, it is Him I turn to. How much better it would be that I would always choose Him first, not wait until there's nothing left.

Guilt and Decision Time

There is nothing worse, in my mind, than hurting someone who has basically done nothing wrong. I would much prefer to be on the receiving end of this despair- to be the one whose heart is broken, rather than being the one breaking someone else's. At least the person with a broken heart is, in a way, guiltless- after all what has happened was done to them, not because of them. The prisoner may die once, but it might be the executioner who dies a thousand deaths- the one who made the decision, who brought the gavel down, the one who decided it was time to turn left or right, who must live with decisions and still question daily whether or not the right one was made. He must bear the weight of the world for his decision, believe me. There is no washing his hands of the matter, either. Once you decide to cut the cord from shore, you had better pray it was the right move. Now adrift at sea, your fate is completely in His hands. There is no going back.

Little Lessons

We learn so much from our relationships, those people that come into our lives for a moment, for a season, even for a lifetime (on the rarest of wonderful occasion). This is just how He intends it to be. If you think back on all the people you have known over the years- those you have loved, or lived with, or even friendships or acquaintances, I think you'll find that you have learned something from all of them. No person comes into your life at random- sometimes they are there to help you, other times you are there to help them. Occasionally you'll help each other. Often, when relationships end, I believe it's because the time has come to move on to other lessons. Unless it was violent or very horrific, few of the people of our past should conjur up any evil thoughts or ill feelings. Believe it or not, they probably helped you through something, whether you (or they) even realize it or not. I do not know what it is about these special lessons that stays with me in my heart, I only know that they do, and always will. And I am eternally grateful for all of them.