New Roads

Sometimes it is amazing the places God will take us if we will allow Him to. In my late 20s, I was basically a different person. I look back and see someone wandering through life wasting time, spinning wheels, avoiding all entanglements, commitments, and even though I called myself a Christian, I was hardly living like one. The one aspect I can see now is that I really didn’t like myself very much. It came out in the way I treated others, the way I avoided family functions, went my own way, and the way I treated myself. Looking back now, it seems like snapshots of someone else, of a person I don’t even know and barely remember. After my father died, the rug was finally and completely yanked out from under me of where I was and had been going for about 12 years. There was a long look in the mirror and I did NOT like what I saw. I had basically been painting myself into a corner, into a life I really didn’t like, but had no idea how to change or get out of. The person I was dating at the time was a good friend, and someone I still consider to be to this day, but there were now so many differences that I could no longer ignore them. Things that I said didn’t bother me at all when I was 30, but started to more and more as I changed and grew into the man God was making me into. The changes that came after I finally went back to school to actually finish were amazing. God began to work in my life in a very big way. I began to pray for a wife and a family, of things I never dreamed that I would ever need or want. Because of my age, I really had no idea if any of this would come to pass, but I prayed daily for a way that it could happen. Eventually, I stopped asking and just placed it all in His hands. I knew in my heart, without a doubt, that I was NOT meant to be a confirmed bachelor the rest of my life. I had no desire to go that road, unless He absolutely wanted me to. I felt like I just had too much to give another person than to live that way. What I found later was that He never wanted that for me at all, He was only waiting on me to stop the crazy drive I’d been on and give it over completely to Him. Before I knew it, all the relationships in my life began to improve, I began to care about family again, I was coming out of my shell, my sense of humor was finally returning. Now I find that I no longer need to write like a “Christian Author”- lofty and untouchable sayings that are like coded messages. I can write like Jeff Russell and it's enough. It’s time for plain talk. I apologize for all the wasted years, of not being myself, of the time that was lost. What I know now is that it is never too late to begin again. He is in control, and is finally writing the story of my life that was meant to be written. The wandering is finished, I have returned to the road left so long ago. This is probably the most personal thing I’ve ever written, and it almost wasn't written at all. Baring one's soul can be a little scary. Of course, He would have it no other way. Thanks for reading. I love all of you- more now than I ever could have before, believe me. I'm on to the Great Adventure.