Closed Doors Finally Opened

Never worry about closed doors. Those closed doors are God's way of guiding you to the right place, His way of saying "No, not yet . . . not now." He is leading you to something better, something grander than you could have ever dreamed. One day you will drop to your knees and thank Him eternally for all of those closed doors, I promise~

Thousands of Ways

What an interesting thing it is finding yourself in love with someone- a person who is now your best friend, lover, soulmate, confidante, spiritual partner, a virtual blessing sent straight from the heavens- and it all seems so easy. All the things the poets have written about for centuries. My heart literally feels like it has been set free after being covered in dust and neglect for 39 years. I want to help others, I smile more, my prayers and writings are more alive, and I am finally, at long last, not demanding to have this person: I am simply enjoying the fact that they are in my life. I'm sitting on the side of a hill, the wind rushing over my face, and I am in awe. Forgive me for being overly romantic or over the top sometimes- it all just seems so brand new. Sometimes, I have to stop and catch my breath. How could he have ever blessed a person like me so much? But then, He does it every day in a thousand different ways. The only difference is that now, finally, my eyes can see so clearly. Blessings to all~

Forgotten Wishes

Do not worry. Sometimes you must simply accept a blessing as it is and try not to want more for a while. He will give us all that we need in His own time. I'm slowly discovering that the more I turn it over to Him- granting His wishes and enjoying what He has given me- the more I am being prepared for what is coming next. I also am finding that I am no longer robbing my own joy. Maybe He can only help us when we finally place what we most want on the back burner and get on with life. Only then have we turned loose of it enough that He can finally begin working on it. One never knows . . .

Sweet Surrender

Last night I wrestled with God, and I lost. He had been trying to take something from my hands- something I wanted Him to help me with, but I just wouldn't let it go. Well, after fussing, fighting, fuming, shouting to have my own way and clutching tooth and nail at the thing I asked Him to fix, I finally dropped and released it. It's funny how we cling to things out of fear thinking that it will make us have more control over the situation- when in fact we end up having less. I sat down and watched Him take it away, knowing it was now completely out of my hands. Did I make the right decision? Did I have any choice at all? No real answers as of yet. I only know that my dilemma is now in the best of all possible hands. My heart, at least for now, is somewhat at peace. Amy, I love you with all my heart, and I will wait forever for you~

The Final Battle

Some battles you are going to HAVE to let Him fight for you. No matter how much you want to pull the sword and charge in quickly, only He knows the way to truly win the war. And sometimes it involves simply sitting and waiting. There may come a time He needs you out on the battlefield, but it is the wise man who knows when to stand down, and put it in the hands of his betters. For now, the sword must remain in your belt until the appointed time. But oh, sometimes the waiting time seems so long~

Love

This may be premature in saying this, but don't really care anymore. I know that I have met the woman I am going to marry. I know it surer than I've ever known anything in my life. Now I am just faithfully waiting on God's timing for a job in TN, but no matter what happens, there will never be anyone else in the world for me. This is the truth, and I have no fear at all. I appreciate all of your prayers, and I know my timing is not His, but all things work out to His good in the end. The search, at least for me, is finally over. I love you all~

New Roads

Sometimes it is amazing the places God will take us if we will allow Him to. In my late 20s, I was basically a different person. I look back and see someone wandering through life wasting time, spinning wheels, avoiding all entanglements, commitments, and even though I called myself a Christian, I was hardly living like one. The one aspect I can see now is that I really didn’t like myself very much. It came out in the way I treated others, the way I avoided family functions, went my own way, and the way I treated myself. Looking back now, it seems like snapshots of someone else, of a person I don’t even know and barely remember. After my father died, the rug was finally and completely yanked out from under me of where I was and had been going for about 12 years. There was a long look in the mirror and I did NOT like what I saw. I had basically been painting myself into a corner, into a life I really didn’t like, but had no idea how to change or get out of. The person I was dating at the time was a good friend, and someone I still consider to be to this day, but there were now so many differences that I could no longer ignore them. Things that I said didn’t bother me at all when I was 30, but started to more and more as I changed and grew into the man God was making me into. The changes that came after I finally went back to school to actually finish were amazing. God began to work in my life in a very big way. I began to pray for a wife and a family, of things I never dreamed that I would ever need or want. Because of my age, I really had no idea if any of this would come to pass, but I prayed daily for a way that it could happen. Eventually, I stopped asking and just placed it all in His hands. I knew in my heart, without a doubt, that I was NOT meant to be a confirmed bachelor the rest of my life. I had no desire to go that road, unless He absolutely wanted me to. I felt like I just had too much to give another person than to live that way. What I found later was that He never wanted that for me at all, He was only waiting on me to stop the crazy drive I’d been on and give it over completely to Him. Before I knew it, all the relationships in my life began to improve, I began to care about family again, I was coming out of my shell, my sense of humor was finally returning. Now I find that I no longer need to write like a “Christian Author”- lofty and untouchable sayings that are like coded messages. I can write like Jeff Russell and it's enough. It’s time for plain talk. I apologize for all the wasted years, of not being myself, of the time that was lost. What I know now is that it is never too late to begin again. He is in control, and is finally writing the story of my life that was meant to be written. The wandering is finished, I have returned to the road left so long ago. This is probably the most personal thing I’ve ever written, and it almost wasn't written at all. Baring one's soul can be a little scary. Of course, He would have it no other way. Thanks for reading. I love all of you- more now than I ever could have before, believe me. I'm on to the Great Adventure.