Empty Chair

Even as great things are happening, there is always a fly in the ointment- something that is not right, doesn't fit. Through the blessing of upcoming graduation, thoughts come to me of those who will not be there to see- who didn't make it to see my accomplishment. An empty chair remains where he should be seated and smiling, a vacancy permeates even the best of things, causing my soul to almost have to catch a breath. Then I think of other things I have prayed for: a wife, a family of my own, joyous things . . . and again the empty chair. Perhaps if I had finished all of this sooner . . . but everything happens for a reason, I suppose. It doesn't stop my mind's eye from looking beyond the many smiles, and seeing the one not there . . . to that grievous empty chair.

Belief

"But supposing one believed and was wrong after all? Suppose there is nothing but what we see. Why, then you would have paid the universe a compliment it doesn't deserve. Your error would even so be more interesting and important than the reality. And yet, how could that be? How could an idiotic universe have produced creatures whose mere dreams are so much stronger, better, subtler than itself?" (C.S. Lewis)

In everything have faith, for at the end of time, it will be better to say "I didn't understand everything, I couldn't explain all that I saw, yet I still believed". People may think kindly of a person who loved too much, trusted a bit further than they should have, thought more of something than they ought to- but there is little honor remaining for those who "trusted none", who was suspicious and doubted everything, who had no faith. Even in our friendships we remember those who most often gave us the benefit of the doubt. Better to trust with everything and be wrong than to believe in nothing at all.

Trust Me

I once had a teacher who, when confronted with many of her students worrying and complaining about how their final grades were going to be determined, she quietly said, "You guys have to calm down. Everything will be fine. You're going to have to just trust me. Can you trust me?" Lately, her words have been echoing in my mind- although now I am hearing His voice telling me the same exact thing. When we've done all that we can do, when our best has been done and there's nothing more left in our hands, we must simply calm down, take a deep breath, and know that everything will be fine. You see, the Great Professor knows what we ask and just what we need. He knows those worries felt in the darkest parts of the night, when it seems no one else is listening. Do not fear. Grades will be calculated and our fate will be in His hands. Will we get what we want? What about all I've done? What about the assignments I missed? These are not the important things to ask. The real question is this: 'Are you going to trust Him?'

Pains and Blessings

Some pains and heartaches are unavoidable, but there may be a different way of looking at our struggles. It's just possible that in heaven, those things seen here as quite terrible and horrific, things we will avoid at any cost- will end up being badges of honor. While the world values easy living, stress free days with little sacrifice, I suspect His kingdom may be very different. We may find upon entering that distant land that the things we tried daily to avoid here: heartache, sadness, pain, loneliness, despair, sacrifice- all these things qualify you for kingship there. They will be things to be proud of. What He is allowing you to experience now- so terrible when seen on the surface of it with our finite perspectives, may in the end be something we will drop to our knees and thank Him eternally for allowing us to experience. Those "curses" and "trials", when our eyes are finally opened at the End of Time, might be seen as His greatest gifts to us. One never knows.

The Lowly Servant

It would be quite a leader who would give up his command and birthright to go down and fight with his troops on the messy, bloody battlefield. Even greater would be the President or leader who not only became a lowly soldier, but who then agreed to die for his men so that they might live. We would truly remember him always. In Christ, we see this fulfilment has already come to pass. God became man to die for us, that we might have a chance at eternal life. "There is no greater love that a man has than to lay down his life for his friends." It is not only humbling that the Father of the universe did this willingly out of love, but that once He took it upon Himself to call us friends. Peace be with you always.

The Knock

"Knock and the door shall be opened"- but what if we are wasting our time outside the wrong door? If you are continually asking and knocking on the same door and getting no answer, perhaps there is nothing inside for you. He might be telling you to move on to another house and another door. There are even greater blessings awaiting you somewhere else, but first you must accept it and keep moving. Not every door was meant to be opened in this life, and I suspect we will be very glad later that no one was home.

The Great Return

Those who want God "out of their lives" don't know what they are asking. If there is a God, then to continue to exist independently as a rebel is not possible. He has created us to run on Himself, on the Holy Spirit- such that to live without Him is to be like the branch of a tree wanting to be "on its own", apart from the tree. The closer we get to Him, the more alive we will be, the more right we will be going, we will be approaching our destiny- returning to "the Light". The further away we go, the less alive and less spiritual. There is nothing that will survive apart from Him, no matter how much it wants to. Perhaps for a little while, but not for long. To return to the Father is not just something we should want to do- it is our destiny, written in the stars by the Great Author before the universe even began.

When To Act

It is a confusing matter to know just how much we should be doing on our own after we ask God for something. I trust in Him to bring it to me, but day and night I still wonder if there is something that I need to be doing as well. To act or not to act, to wait and pray or does he want me to go out and search for it on my own? Questions, questions- but few answers. This is when we must pray for wisdom. The flesh is willing, but faith . . . my God, sometimes it is so weak . . .

Closer Than You Think

Once I was trying to pass a fitness test. We had to run almost two miles in about 11 minutes. The only way that you would know how far you had run was by keeping track of the number of laps done. After several minutes, I lost count. I was so focused on my breathing, thinking that I might not make it, the problems I was encountering- that I forgot to keep track of how far I'd actually gone. I decided to stop, to take the easy way out and walk- thinking there was no way that I was going to finish anyway. What I hadn't realized is that I was only one lap away from the goal when I gave up. I thought I had done 7 laps, but in reality I had done so much more. You may feel at times that you will never get to where you need to be- that you're too far behind and can never catch up. What you don't realize is that GOD is the only One who knows what lap you're on. Don't give up so easily. That goal you put out there for yourself may not be quite as far away as you imagine. Keep pushing ahead and doing your best, even when it seems to be useless. The run is long and the loneliest time is spent second guessing yourself. Just keep running. You may be closer than you think.

Time Returned

The more time you give to God, the more of it He will then give back to you. I suspect this is one of the reasons we have so little time for anything anymore in today's world. Every square inch of our life is occupied, with little set aside for Him (this is just how the enemy wants it). Stop the grind, if only for a few minutes every day, and spend time with the Lord. Is there any relationship in your life that's more important than this? That time you think you don't have, if given over to God- by reading His word, praying, sitting silently and praising Him- that very time that seems to slip away more and more with every passing hour, will be given back to you. He will multiply it, it is in His power to do so, believe me. In the same way, the time you waste on everything else, all those moments when "you would pray, but there is so much to do today", will be snatched away from you. That which you hold onto and hoard for yourself will be taken, but that which you give away will be returned tenfold. Perhaps it is the same with our time.

Hiding Places

The atheist finds no evidence of God, even when searching to the ends of the universe with every test imaginable. Yet the holy man of faith, if confined forever to his own little room or cell, would still discover the Lord's presence. He has purposely hidden himself from those who will not come by faith.

Conditional Loves

You'll never know how deep your faith is until you realize that the thing you want most in the world, the thing you've been asking and pleading and begging for, might not be granted to you. What are you to do, stop loving and believing and following God? This means that I never really loved Him, that my love was conditional upon getting my way. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew why He was withholding my heart's desire, but the not knowing, being kept in the dark is almost too much to bear. Of course, when the heart bleeds inside as though "almost to death", I'm reminded of Jesus at Gesthemene when He . . . even He . . . asked to be relieved of what it was He had to bear, and finally relented and accepted: "Not by my will, but Yours be done." In the end, no matter how difficult or painful, we must believe that God knows best. It doesn't stop the heart from breaking, however.

Vows

I have begun daily making small vows to God, things that I know I can do and won't break- little promises, but ones I intend on staying faithful and true to. Later, He will be requiring much more serious ones of me- more difficult promises- ones that will last for months, years, even a lifetime. You see, He wants to make sure you are faithful in the smallest of things before entrusting the big things to you. Be faithful, don't make vows you know you can't keep. Even promising to read a verse in His word everyday, to take a moment in prayer and thank Him, even this can go a long way. One day, you will have faith that can move mountains . . . and you started with a simple vow.

Lessons

Sometimes I think the Lord wants us to be confused at times, not knowing what to do or where we will go next. Not because He is evil, but because He can finally say to us, "Good. Now you can rely on ME for a while and less on yourself." It is in those times, if we truly believe, that we will drop to our knees and come before Him humbly. We have gone as far as we can go on our own. Now, at last, He can finally teach us something.

Forgiveness

I asked the Lord to deal with my enemies, the ones who wished nothing but evil for me, the ones who never let you forget your past mistakes, the dream stealers, the phony people- I asked God to pay them back for all the miseries they had caused . . . but He would have none of that. "Have you prayed for them?" He asked me. There was no part of my heart that wanted to pray for them at all, but I did. Suddenly, I found that my anger against them began to evaporate- there was an incredible sense of peace, a "patience" that I hadn't had before. I began to think of the times when they hadn't been so bad, when they had even done small acts of kindness which may have been monumental steps for them. In short, what had been hate in my heart transformed into love. This doesn't mean that the people I prayed for will change. Some seeds you plant will come to nothing, but every now and again a tree can grow amongst the weeds. The prayers might not have even been for them . . . the person changed was me.

Dusty Scrapbooks

Don't get too hung up on your past. All the missed opportunities, the times you wish you could get back or do over again- put them all away with the other dusty scrapbooks where they belong. There's a reason why the past is the past. It should be used only to learn lessons from and to make our tomorrows better, but it's never something to long for. He has much greater plans for you than that. Keep looking forward. What we have in front of us is infinitely better than what we've left behind.

Picking Teams

At some point, we must choose. He can't help us here- we are now free to go left or right, the decision is ours. For the longest time I swayed back and forth, committing to Him and then later questioning and going my own way, never picking a team- like a really bad game of tug of war. The time comes when you must make the choice and stand tall beside it. You see, He is waiting for us to make a choice. He has left us just enough here to believe and have faith, He has left His word, the scriptures, and lastly He sent His son- there is no more that can be done. God is patient and kind, and He waits . . . may we always pick the right team, and stay forever faithful and true. many blessings.

Casting Crowns- "If We Ever Needed You":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjRQKhzWGQw&feature=related

Perfect Love

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone- To have a deep soul relationship with another- to be loved thoroughly, and exclusively. But God, to a Christian, says: I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone- With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me- With having an intensely personal and unique relationship With Me alone. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, Will you be capable of the best human relationship that I have planned for you.

I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me- Exclusive of anyone or anything else, Exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing- One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best- Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, trusting Me- Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That's all.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things Others have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and up to Me, Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love Far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you, You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. And this is the perfect love."

-Author and original title unknown

Requests and Prayers

Like the marathon runner who first began jogging simply to lose a few pounds, but soon discovered he had a passion for it, we first approach prayer as asking God for something we want. Hopefully though, we can move beyond always making requests and simply pray because He is worthy. What He wants is a relationship with you, a daily communication. Take a moment here and there throughout the day to simply "be" with the Lord, without asking for things. After all, if we have Him, what else exactly do we think we need?

Keep Running

Just because the world tells you something is impossible, doesn't mean that it is. If someone who never ran before decides to go out and run a 5 mile race, chances are he is not going to make it. Does that mean he'll never be able to run that distance? No, but it will take training and practice and a great deal of discipline. The things God asks of you are not easy- you may fall and have to keep trying- but never give up. It's only impossible if you listen to the ones who say "it's too hard- just relax, give up, God will understand". How will you know if you never try? The Father is easily pleased, but seldom satisfied. He will be the one pushing you further, to do better, to go far beyond that which is "comfortable". Before you know it, He will have you doing things you never thought you could, and you will be glad you didn't settle for the easy way. So when the world tells you that it's not worth it to try, that you should just give up (or give in), that it's time to stop now that you are getting tired, just smile and nod . . . and keep running. There's no telling how far you'll get.

Toby Mac
"Lose My Soul" (from the album Portable Sounds, 2007):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duj9sS-mqSo

Interesting Take on Christian Marriage (for men)

I found this in response to an article (on the internet) on dating and marriage. Wow, this lady's words really spoke to me:

"I hope you're blessed and are led to your heart's desire!
If you're a Christian Man looking for love and/or marriage then please read the following to help in your search.

Prayer: Thank You Almighty GOD for this medium of technology to communicate and I ask that You prepare this man's heart for who You would have for him. Use his natural abilities with Your Supernatural abilities to create another family for Your Kingdom. In Jesus' Mighty Name. Amen.

WISDOM: You need wisdom to know if this is your time for harvest concerning GOD's best for you. Do you expect a harvest without having planted seed? What seeds have you planted for this future wife/family you desire? What does your garden of love look like? Weeds in certain spots? One good patch meaning you only love certain people? What does your garden of trust look like? Is it gated up? What about your garden of finances? Is there a bench in that garden where someone could sit and observe how responsible or irresponsible you are? Check the "state" of yourself before you open the doors to the "visitors". Wisdom is all over GOD's Word and especially in Proverbs. Read a Proverb to coincide with the day and see how your life changes if you read, meditate and apply what you have read. If you have been planting seeds and tending to your garden of life ~ wonderful! Be expecting a harvest! If you have not then there are many tools for you to get your garden of life in order so that those seeds and/or new seeds that are planted will grow beautifully. Your harvest for anything in life and especially concerning a wife will be dependent on your commitment to nurturing your garden.

FAITH: Without faith it is impossible to please GOD! If you want to please our Magnificent Creator then you need to have faith! Don't believe there's not some female for you because of the state of the world or the dating scene. Operate in faith and continue to believe for GOD's best for you!

TRUST: Sometimes you men put on that Superman suit and feel like you need to do all these superhuman things. Again, your natural ability with GOD's Supernatural ability will allow for you to find her or you be led to one another. You don't have to waste your resources when you can be investing those resources. Be wise and trust GOD!

STUDY: Study what a woman of GOD is supposed to look, act and develop into. Read Proverbs 31, ask your Pastor, ask a Deacon, ask a mature man/woman of GOD concerning how her exterior/interior should be. Don't go thinking you will know because the enemy will deceive you by your prideful thinking. Please ask! Get counsel and study.
Think of her as a house. Is she a beautiful house on the outside with cobwebs and dirt on the inside? Is she decorated finely and clean on the inside but needs some exterior work done? Look at that house during the day, at night, when it rains, when the Sun shines and observe how it looks in different seasons, situations and adapts to different conditions. Is the house inviting? Is the house too inviting and always packed with people? Who all occupies this house? How does the landscaping look? How do her gardens look? Is the house in order if you were to be invited inside? Are there means of nourishment or are her cupboards bare? And if you were to own this house how would you maintain it? Can you afford to maintain it? Has the house been damaged? Are you willing to repair, renovate and/or rebuild? Can you envision yourself living in as well as presenting this house as your house? Count the costs of ownership.

PATIENCE: Love is patient first and foremost. If there is no patience there is no love. If this person loves you then she will be patient while you search for GOD's best. If she is GOD's best for you then she will not be angered and fully understand when you explain you are looking at other "houses" too.

PRAY: Pray GOD's Will and not your will.

REMEMBER! Marriage is to further GOD's Kingdom so that there are Godly seeds. Ask yourself are your marriage intentions for selfish desires or to seek GOD's Kingdom first.
With love, peace and for you to be blessed!~Diamond"


Simply Beautiful.

The Final Chapter

All things are possible, but not all things are beneficial. Stop telling God what you need, for He knows far better than you do what the heart longs for and what it really desires. I am constantly praying and being told, "Wait"- "no, not yet"- "you are not ready for what you ask Me for". I have absolutely no idea what the future holds now, only that terrible feeling of time getting away from me, of hands on the clock ticking away, questions asked and unanswered, a heart that longs but barely even understands the longing. Will there be time for a future for me, for a wife and family, to live an upright life? Again, "wait- all in My time", then silence. Nothing more to be said, I suppose. The plan has already been sketched in His library, of course. The problem is I want to turn quickly to the last page and see how it all ends sometimes . . . sometimes.

Bridges in Time

Just because something looks hopeless and out of reach in your life, doesn't mean that it is. Don't give up. The chasm is wide, and there is no way across that you can see, but He has planned a bridge to take you where you need to go. I believe there are specific moments in time, if you truly believe, when He can make the impossible happen. Keep pressing on, keep trusting Him, and above all keep your eyes open. When that one moment arrives, when the bridge goes out to take you to a place you never could have made it to on your own, have the courage to go across. Those bridges don't stay up for long, and eventually the time will pass. He has provided a way, but He can't make you cross it. The rest is up to you.

No Trespassing

There must be something that distinguishes us from the rest of the world. At some point, we are going to have to resist some urge we'd rather not, we are going to have to take the long path around out of respect- even when it might be quicker and easier to follow everyone else through the shortcut, tromping through the garden. Yes, we might have liked to have gone that way, but He asked us not to. "I know it looks faster, but out of respect for Me, take the other way please." Sometimes we must not ask why, but simply trust and believe.

The Smallest Requests

Some of the things He will ask you to begin cutting out of your life will seem trivial to you at first, things that you never in a million years would have imagined as being stumbling blocks, but they are. The more you listen to His voice, the harder it is to ignore. When you step back away from those things, you begin to realize what a hold they had on you. Each day a new lesson, the Great teacher is easily pleased but seldom satisfied. The learning continues . . .

Love's Plan

True love must have something of Him in it- either from the very beginning a relationship built around His holy presence, or else existing in it before the couple really knows or understands Him, being born later in the marriage. Anything else, I suspect, will eventually crumble into a thousand pieces. We must always seek to build on fertile ground.

Demolition

To get to what is true, sometimes we must bear to watch the fantasy crumble and come to an end, no matter how painful. The wrecking ball must come in and level the whole structure, so that we can begin building something that is at last real and permanent. He takes no pleasure in bringing down our house of cards, but it would be a greater injustice to go on allowing us to believe we were living in a real house. Truth is always better than ignorance, no matter how blissful we think it was.

The Great Guide

The more you listen to His voice, the louder it will become. What starts as a barely audible whisper that can easily be dismissed begins to transform into a megaphone- and it is one you will instantly recognize. The unmistakeable shout can be ignored, of course, but it will be much harder now that you know for certain that it belongs to Him. I have fallen a few times over the past several days and was immediately shown the right way to go. The sin, at least at this point, seems somewhat irrelevant as long as I keep moving toward Him. He is guiding me more now than I ever could have imagined- stop signs are popping up everywhere, fences being placed in front of me- not to halt me in my tracks, but detouring me to take the Right road. The Great Guideman is actually unfolding the map for me right before my very eyes.

The New Life

Truly living as a Christian is never easy. It really is an entirely new life, once turned completely over to the Lord. At times it is like awaking from a very long coma- still unsure of surroundings, what to do, how to act- there is the constant feeling of sudden responsibility, weakness in areas that still need strengthening, a long road ahead. There is also a partial desire to go back to the "safety" of the hospital bed you've awoken from. It was so much easier than what now lies ahead: the "physical therapy", the re-learning everything, the months of struggle and battles that surely awaits . . . but who on earth would honestly go back to simply existing day after day? Better to press forward and get stronger, no matter how difficult it will be. Once He awakens you from the slumber, there is no going back to sleep. He expects Great Things.

From The Inside Out

I have been praying for cosmetic changes to my life: surface renovations, new paint, landscaping, a simple garden- things I (and others, of course) would notice quickly. He would have none of that. First, the Father works not from the outside in, but from the inside out. He is concerned with the duller (and far more important) changes that you won't see in your life right away. What good is a painted home if the plumbing is shot? All the nice landscaping is meaningless if there are holes in the walls and floorboards inside. There is the faint sound of hammering going on far beneath the surface, in places I had no intention of repairing. What on earth is He up to? So, now that I have surrendered and given this life over completely to Him, I find that the changes are coming from within. Other things will just have to wait. If there is no time for paint, no room for a garden, so be it. Perhaps if I had started sooner? No answer, only "Trust Me". I must now trust in the Great Builder with everything. It is both exciting, terrifying and annoying all at the same time. But of course, He knows best. Many blessings to all.

Sweet Surrender

The time comes when the sword you are fighting with on your own must be plunged into the ground, all weapons surrendered, walls brought down, safety nets dismantled. The fight is over, the white flag is raised, and we must now (at last) drop to one knee and believe. We have done all we can do, written all we can write, prayed all that can be said, but it is the sweet surrender He desires, and sometimes the only thing left. The battlefield now, at long last, belongs to Him.

In His Time

Don't be surprised when you pray, particularly if you are praying very hard for something, that you are met with silence. That great, terrible, unmistakeable quiet with only the ticking of the clock as background noise. I'm not sure why this is, but I am noticing it more and more. It's almost as if we are trying too hard- that we are grasping at straws rather than waiting for an answer from Him. It's like waiting on guests to arrive at your home- the more you keep going to the door and checking, the less it seems like anyone will ever arrive. Only when you forget about it and begin doing something else, putting it out of your mind, do you find that suddenly people start arriving. If you are trying to remember something, the worst thing you can do is put all your focus on it. "It's just on the tip of my tongue- but I can't think of it!" Only later, after you've forgotten about it, will the answer come to you. Don't stop praying- but don't expect answers right away either. His voice will come, clearer than you could ever possibly imagine- at a time when you are doing something else- and each time getting clearer and clearer.

Loser Lose All

The great tragedy in promiscuity, in sleeping with a variety of partners with no real attachment or committment, is that it takes a small part of the person away each time. I suspect that with each fling, with each new partner, you leave just a small portion of your soul that you can never get back again. Men may be using women, but it takes a toll on them as well. The terrifying thing is that it may affect marriage on down the line, so that you have so little to give your mate that the entire thing collapses like a house of cards. This may explain why those who live together before marriage have such a terrible time of it after the wedding. Trust has been sacrificed, and now causes underlying problems. Of course, with God all things are possible.

Map Signals

Be careful what you wish for- you just might get it. Some are determined to go their own way, ignoring all the warning signals, the red flags, advice, even logic simply because it is what they want at the moment. Just remember that what you want today, what you think you'd give every ounce of your being to have, may not be what you will want six months, a year from now- even 5 years. That out of reach jewel may sparkle like diamonds from a distance, but keep in mind that "all that glitters is not gold". Stop insisting on what you want, and let Him give you what you need. If only I had taken this advice in my twenties, but . . . we live and learn. And there is a plan. There's always a plan.

Love

True love doesn't age, but is timeless. It dies and is reborn several times over the course of a marriage, but it is without end. It cannot be bought or paid for, will never go out of fashion, and it is continually self sacrificing. It is possibly the closest we will ever come in this life to fully emulating Christ, each day dying a little bit more for the other and to ourselves, and in the end overcoming a small bit of the world. It may just last forever.

Doctor's Visit

The closer I try to get to the God, the more I find Him opening my eyes to things about myself that I'd really rather not see, terrible things: jealousy, anger, selfishness, lazy, back-biting, self-centered, arrogant, double-minded, distrusting, prideful . . . a myriad of very bad qualities lurking just beneath the surface, sometimes excellently concealed and hidden- even from myself. The point in showing me these things is not to bring me down, but rather for me to know how desperate my case is without Him. Make no mistake, none of us are without sin, but we are in a great deal better situation if we know the truth than proceeding on with a lie. The man who thinks he's alright will never go to the doctor, even if it's the only thing that can save his life. Better to find out all the problems and deal with them, then let the healing begin. The Father can turn jealousy to trust, anger to peace, selfishness to self sacrifice, pridefulness to pure holiness- but first we must realize we are sick.

Pain Opens the Door

It's an odd thing that the more sorrowful and sad I feel, the closer I am to Him- the more willing I am to finally put my life under His control. In bliss, when times are good, the Lord becomes an after thought- on the back burner. When my sturdy little house of cards finally collapses, however, it is Him I turn to. How much better it would be that I would always choose Him first, not wait until there's nothing left.

Guilt and Decision Time

There is nothing worse, in my mind, than hurting someone who has basically done nothing wrong. I would much prefer to be on the receiving end of this despair- to be the one whose heart is broken, rather than being the one breaking someone else's. At least the person with a broken heart is, in a way, guiltless- after all what has happened was done to them, not because of them. The prisoner may die once, but it might be the executioner who dies a thousand deaths- the one who made the decision, who brought the gavel down, the one who decided it was time to turn left or right, who must live with decisions and still question daily whether or not the right one was made. He must bear the weight of the world for his decision, believe me. There is no washing his hands of the matter, either. Once you decide to cut the cord from shore, you had better pray it was the right move. Now adrift at sea, your fate is completely in His hands. There is no going back.

Little Lessons

We learn so much from our relationships, those people that come into our lives for a moment, for a season, even for a lifetime (on the rarest of wonderful occasion). This is just how He intends it to be. If you think back on all the people you have known over the years- those you have loved, or lived with, or even friendships or acquaintances, I think you'll find that you have learned something from all of them. No person comes into your life at random- sometimes they are there to help you, other times you are there to help them. Occasionally you'll help each other. Often, when relationships end, I believe it's because the time has come to move on to other lessons. Unless it was violent or very horrific, few of the people of our past should conjur up any evil thoughts or ill feelings. Believe it or not, they probably helped you through something, whether you (or they) even realize it or not. I do not know what it is about these special lessons that stays with me in my heart, I only know that they do, and always will. And I am eternally grateful for all of them.

Patiently Waiting

Eventually, we will all find ourselves waiting- waiting for something we have asked God for, even asking for the right direction to go in life- and then silence. We wait for an answer, only to hear the faint ticking of the clock on the wall. Silence truly can be deafening. I think what He wants from us is patience- the patience to be still, to trust, to get on with our lives, knowing and believing that our request is in His hands. Whatever it is we ask, if you trust in Him with everything, why should you worry if you truly have faith? There in the silence, in the darkness of night waiting and wondering, He is with you. First learn to trust, learn patience, learn to love others as you would yourself. If you don't do any of this, how can He even begin to show you the right road to take?

All Things

It's so hard to fathom eternal life- here in the physical world, with its birth and death, how is it possible to go on living after the death of the body? The problem is, we are like cavemen trying to understand the computer chip. It is so far beyond what we can even begin to grasp that most of us must simply close our eyes, have faith and try to believe. Imagine trying to explain to an atom that it had the potential to one day become a man- it seems impossible, just looking at it you can't see how it could ever happen. Yet, once again, with God all things are possible.

Detours

The great danger is to begin comparing yourself with others. We are all at different places in our journey, and some travel much faster than others. You will never scale a mountain if your whole focus is how much farther up your neighbor is than you are, or how far you could have been had you only got started sooner. Trust in the Lord to guide you up and over and you will surely make it to the Right Road. Always remember that while some seem to be so far ahead of you, there are many others down below, much further down from where you are, who are just now beginning to climb. Press on and be happy for the progress you are making. He is proud of you. For Him, this shall be enough.

To Have and Have Not

We can never know all that goes on "behind the scenes". As Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage- and men are merely the players". I use to find myself getting extremely upset or agitated when things didn't go my way: certain things I wanted to have happen never did, or some dreams remained unmaterialized, even though everything seemed right- but now I see another side to this play. The things we think we are unable to catch may be kept out of reach for a reason. Perhaps there are hidden blessings in losing out on that which we so desperately want and feel we need. What glistened like gold might have been the very thing that led us off a cliff chasing after it. Is it just possible that we missed out on one thing because He has something better in mind? Or maybe the route you would've taken might have meant a lifetime of misery. We can only see so far ahead, and then we must simply trust. He knows what is best for you and me. When we finally come before the Lord and our lives are unrolled like a giant scroll for us to finally see, it will all be much clearer. When we are able to look at all the blocked paths we wanted to take but were forced to go another way and see exactly where they would have led us, I think we'll be relieved at the years of grief we were spared by not always "getting what we wanted".

Dreams and Prophecies

Even if we do not live forever, if there is no heaven to attain to, if it turns out that my life is nothing more than a quick blip on the radar screen of billions and billions of years, I would still hope and believe that God truly exists. There must surely be a creator who is so much greater than what we see- the universe is too impersonal- too practical, too cold and relentless. What a cosmic tragedy it would be that we, mere animals in the grand scheme of things, should see all the cold chaos around us and somehow mistakenly think there is something better, grander - higher- than all we are able to see with our own eyes. It makes no sense. How could we even come to think that there is something more? Surely human beings are not that much of an anomaly. If I had always lived underwater in the dark depths of the ocean, having never even been to the surface or breathed the earth's air, would I at night dream of sunny skies and cool breezes? Those questions we ponder at the depths of our soul are there for a reason. We would not wonder about the color red if we had never seen such a color or it did not exist. I still say the fact that we question at all may be our eternal answer.

Seek Ye First

Do not rush into relationships, making promises you cannot keep, with lofty eyes promising to give your whole heart away when you barely even know it yourself. Look to God first and find your true joy there, and then--perhaps years from now (but maybe sooner than you think), you will find someone else to share in the joy with you. Unfortunately, most people look for the joy in another human being. They may even find it for a time- but alas, we find that we want so much more than they could ever give. We want a substitute for heaven, for grace, for perfection- but it doesn't exist. It can only be found in Him.

The Built-In Need

Even the best of things here shall ultimately pass away. What we are left with is the only thing that could ever truly give us happiness- and that is Him. There is no happiness apart from Him, and it has been designed to work in just this way. Human beings, that most curious of all animals, has inside them a vacuum, something the poets called longing, for something outside the self. Many know the want, but have no idea to fill it. Some try with relationships, others with possessions or achievements, or even by getting praise from men. This never works for very long, however. It has been woven into our very DNA to need Him, to sacrifice, to please that most infinite of Spririts, the great Iam. To finally be told, and believe with every fiber of our being that "All is well with thee". At last to hear, while on our knees and eyes closed, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."

Third Act and Beyond . . .

Do not fear about what waits for us after death. He created us, and if it is His will for our lives to have a "third act", then that is entirely up to Him. We didn't choose to be born (to my knowledge) and it is unlikely we will choose to die. All we can do is make the best decisions about the first two acts, to try to live as He would want us, to treat our fellow players with respect and help in all the ways that we can. The big decisions are up to Him, and it is a comfort that our fate is in the best of all possible hands.

All Things

All things are possible, but only the very best things. We prayed to touch the stars, when in fact He means for us to one day be a part of them.

The Leading Role

You will save yourself a world of heartache and misery by not having too much pride. The person who always tries to outshine others, who must have the best and brightest of everything, the one who is always bragging and boasting and comparing themself to others, will always end up frustrated and unhappy. Better to let others take the center stage, help them, build them up, but never compare yourself to them. In the end, you will be rewarded by having more self confidence and quiet humility because you put the focus on someone else. The one who insists on focusing on self will never know such joy. Their reward has already been given---and will just as soon be taken away--- by the judgement of their own eyes.

The Forgotten Road

Once many years ago, probably around 1997, I had a dream that I was being guided down a road. It was a simple two-lane road with a few hills, and on each side of the road were two bolts of light like lightning shooting down the sides. I have never forgotten this dream, which tells me that it really probably meant something. It is the road that leads to success, to happiness, to Him. Though I have strayed over the years since that dream (often quite a bit), I always picture that lonely road and the lights guiding my way. One day I shall find the road and discover that it leads to the only happiness a human could ever know- back to the one from whence we came.

The Religion of Politics

The one thing we must never do is put all our faith in politicians (God forbid). Those who do, be they democrat or republican, will be ultimately disappointed. They are players on the stage, generally shifting opinions daily based on whatever saves their respective position. The only thing they are suppose to do is represent us. Never put yourself in the position of losing friends, getting in unholy arguments, or blindly supporting them because they happen to be in your chosen party. Remember, they probably don't even know your name, and if you pass on, will never know you ever existed. Are they really worth all the honor or frustration?

The Long Way Home

It may be impossible with man, but with God all things are possible. If it were not so, He would have told us. Take heart, even the worst situations we find ourselves in, those places we have gotten ourselves into and should have known better, the holes we have fallen in because we were determined to go our own way, the shortcut that turned out to be thousands of miles out of the way, none will be of consequence to Him. Trust in Him to lead you up and out, to a new life full of the richness and promise he intended for you. It may take time, but He has eons of it on His side. The clocks in His mansion have no hands, they're merely for decoration.

Hope Springs Eternal

All will not believe, but we must hold on to our faith and live the best we can, so that we are an example to them even without saying a word. Lecturing accomplishes nothing, and sitting in judgement is useless, as we are all worthy of judgement in the end. All we can do is sit by the bedside and pray the patient awakes, for remember we too were once asleep. One day, maybe not even in this life, but eons from now, they will know and believe- all of His mannequins will someday spring to life.

Scales Removed

When we are young, we sometimes let people come in and out of our lives with very little notice. As we get a bit older, the value of friendships and relationships becomes infinitely more important. Slowly, the glasses come off, our vision begins to improve, and we notice more and more. It's something of a shame that it should take so very long to happen, is all.

Treasures

Whatever things you love and cling to here, never hold on to anything so tight that you cannot let go in the end. We may be allowed many mementoes in heaven, but only the ones that we first were able to finally set aside and surrender to Him.

New Chapters

We were never meant to settle quietly into structured, secure lives, thinking that the best times were past and we're now too old for adventures. He means for us to be as prepared to set sail for new lands at 70 as we were at 21. If you are still here you're up for deployment. Always live with your bags packed and your heart open. You never know where He means to take you.

All Roads

Never let it be said that we didn't live up to our full potential, even if it takes some of us a lifetime to make it. There are consequences to taking the wrong road, but thankfully He always offers a way back to the right one. We're never lost for long. At the end of time, when we are able to sit at the stone table and see the map of our lives rolled out before us, we may be in awe of all the paths He created to finally get us Home.

The Real You

Wear your heart on your sleeve, even if it means you might get hurt- this way, everyone will know the real you and will love you or hate you based on the truth. If you're always on stage, if every conversation is a show and a performance meant to make you look as good and polished as possible, in the end who will really know you? No one, not even yourself. All of your relationships and friendships, once the mask comes off, will come crashing down like a house of cards.

Hall of Souls

We are not forgotten. If at times you feel lost, as I do, just remember He has numbered even the hairs on your head- and remembered them. The 20th century writer and prophet Edgar Cayce once wrote that God has a great "Hall of Records", a spiritual library with the names of every soul that has ever lived or who ever will live. There, watching and loving us each moment of our turning and twisting lives, He waits patiently for us to return to Him where we belong. We are most certainly never forgotten.

The Outer Gates

No matter how far away we stray from God, we are never totally separated from Him. That is not to say that our distance from the Lord will have no effect on us. How could it not? We will lose protections, our hearts will slowly become cold and less able to love, and we may even begin to get the ridiculous notion that we can survive on our own without Him in our lives. Just as the lonely outer planets of our solar system rely less and less on the sun the farther away they orbit from it, we too become colder, darker, with less and less light and very little signs of life. But even there, in the vast darkness of space, so far from the warmth of the sun, it still influences them . . . whether they take note of it or not.

Great Expectations

Don't be discouraged when others let you down or even disappoint you, for it could be that they have given all they had within them to give. We are all at different places of growth as spirits, and at times I think we may expect too much of people. Put God first above all things, above all people, and you may find that He can move mountains. Just as we have been let down by others, no doubt we have let down friends or loved ones over the years because we were asked to reach further than we could at the moment. Do not fear, for as we begin to strengthen in faith and love and rely more and more on Him, all other things can be redeemed and made right again. The thing we were reaching for and knew we'd never be able to touch, once turned over to Him and forgotten, suddenly is in our grasp.

The Smallest of Hands

And all the times you stretched but could not reach, all the friends you had but lost or who were taken from you too soon, or who simply drifted away; those little, seemingly insignificant, forgotten moments of life that almost no one knows about or understands but you- the ones that stay in your soul and your heart forever with no place to go- even these things He shall restore and make right again one day. A fresh, cool mountain rain is coming. As e.e. Cummings once wrote, "I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens, only something in me understands, the voice of eyes that is deeper than all roses. Nobody . . .not even the rain, has such small hands."

Give Your Heart Away

Knowing how short this life is, knowing how much is surely to be taken away from our lives, how can we not want to give all we have away? It's always better to give too much than too little, especially giving of yourself. In the end, will it really bother us very much if someone took a little too much from us or we spent too much of "our time" helping others, even if we got little in return? My God, surely no matter how much we give there will probably still be more we could have done, more of our self we could have shared with our friends, more of our heart we could have worn on our sleeve- even risking it being broken at any moment. Better to have a broken heart and spirit because you gave too much, better to have given all you have away in love and be poor than to have a good, solid, untouched, like-new heart that never lived or risked or gave. Every crack, every blemish in our spirit shows that once, we cared more about something else and less for ourselves. Once, it was really worth the risk.

Friends Throughout the Ages

Treasure all friendships, the new and the old ones, for in them we may be catching a glimpse of eternity. There is something magical in finding someone with whom you share particular interests, who you can stop and say, "Really? Me too. I thought I was the only one." Who knows how long these fellow travelers called 'friends' will be by our side. We may end up fighting shoulder to shoulder with them in battle at the end of time, or they may simply be near us at the great Stone Table, talking and laughing of things remembered near a roaring fire. We may also have known them before, but that is another matter entirely. The one thing we can never say is that true friendships are a slight, unimportant thing. They may, in fact, be His eternal gift throughout the ages.

Moments of Loss

How does one possibly get over death? The loss of not just a loved one, but in a way a part of yourself? The heart has many layers and hallways, and no single loss will destroy it. But my God, there are moments He allows you to see the whole thing for what it is (as much as we can bear), and it is in those moments more than any other that their silence becomes deafening.

Pockets of Time

Though it surely seems that Time is now the enemy, and there is less and less of it each day, I am finding something else strange to be true: the more time I set aside in silence and prayer with Him (even 5 minutes a few times throughout the day), the more that I am finding I actually have more time. It may be that there are pockets of time interwoven in our own 24 hour period, such that the more time we give to Him the more He is able to give to us. Though it appears to come from nowhere, it is there just the same- much like the loaves and fishes so long ago.

Road to True Joy

Wherever you are, whatever the situation is, don't ever feel like you've gone as far as you can go. He means to take you to far better lands than where you are right now. Remember that a journey to a new life begins with a step . . . then another step, and another. Even if you have given up on yourself, take heart- He has not given up on you. Trust in Him completely, and He will lead you to the Right Path: a life of purpose, hope, promise and love- overflowing with true joy.

Enemy of Time

One of the great curses, besides death, is surely Time. Moments with friends, good times, things you wish would go on and last forever seem to end far too soon. There's nothing like a great conversation to make the dreaded hands on the wall clock move that much faster along. As time continues to speed up, and I have no doubt that it is, my only hope is that one day we will at last be outside of it looking in. Finally freed from time's prison, we can occasionally glance in through the school window like students out for the summer, marveling at our newfound freedom.

Sweaters on the Playground

C.S. Lewis once said, "You don't have a soul- you are a soul. You have a body." When the time has come for this old set of clothes called a body to fall away, don't be disillusioned. That torn gray sweater was never me, you just got use to seeing me in it. All the jackets and sweaters are on the edge of the playground for a reason: we simply outgrew them. There was more important things to do, swings to play on, running and jumping with the Lord, spiritual things. We won't be coming back for those old clothes, either. There is no need to. The Great Recess that never ends has finally begun.

Science Lesson Reflection

I taught both of my Science lessons this week in Ms. Spake’s class. They proved to be great learning experiences, as all moments in the classroom have been so far, but they were also fun. Both lessons were on heat, and I found it interesting how much the children already knew about the subject. Many knew what conductors as well as insulators were, several remembered why metal got hot faster than wood, and a few mentioned why using a pot holder on a boiling metal pot on the stove was a good idea. In my first lesson, the class divided into groups and tried to guess which spoon would get the warmest in a cup of hot water- the metal, plastic, or wooden spoon. My original idea was to demonstrate the experiment at the front of the classroom and have them write about it in journals, maybe even including a prediction about what they thought would happen. After pondering it over a while, however, I decided that a hands-on approach would be far more beneficial and memorable. Rather than telling or showing them, the students could find out for themselves. While many felt the metal spoon would get hot fastest, not everyone agreed. One boy knew from experience that “wood burns in a fire, so it must get really hot”, while another girl had remembered burning her arm on a plastic car seat one time, so plastic was bound to get the hottest. Obviously with a hands on activity like this one, the students were going to be somewhat excited and rambunctious. In spite of this, I really didn’t notice the children getting off task at all during the lesson. Each group member was busy participating, arguing with each other about the anticipated result, even discussing past experiences that seemed relevant to the science activity.

My second science lesson was taught in the school’s science lab on Friday, which was a nice change of pace. It was clean and open, with enough group tables for students to adequately work together rather than having to move around in desks in a cramped classroom. In this lesson, each group had to find a way to keep their ice cube from melting, using one material of their choosing. I brought in newspaper, felt, aluminum foil, paper towels, and Styrofoam cups for them to choose from. All the groups first had to discuss and choose which material to use, and write down why they chose what they did. Listening to them plan and decide together was fascinating. Some thought for sure that the felt would be too hot and would definitely melt the cube, while others rationed that newspaper would work, but only if it was wrapped and taped up securely. Interestingly, a few girls in one group thought that fanning or blowing on the ice cube would keep it “cool” and thus stop it from melting. A group of boys chose the Styrofoam cup and filled it with water, thinking that the water would sustain the cube and keep it cool, not realizing that the exact opposite was true. When their cube was almost gone after only 7 minutes, one of the boys sighed and told me, “I guess we chose wrong, Mr. Russell. Oh, well. At least we learned something . . . and we had fun.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

To See or Not to See

Miracles will not cease to exist simply because we stop believing in them. It is possible to keep them out of our own lives by no longer choosing to see them, just as we can keep the sunlight out of our homes by pulling shades down and boarding up the windows. It will no longer trouble us if we stay in darkened shadows, but it will never keep the sun itself from shining.

Classroom Reflections 03/08- 03/12

Week 6

I taught my first Social Studies lesson on Monday in Mrs. Strickland’s class. This seemed to be going well, but I hadn’t planned for them only being there for thirty minutes before leaving to go to camp (P.E.), so I actually wasn’t able to finish it. She said that this was fine, however, because they would still be studying parts of Greece next week and it would be good to have an activity to have them do as a refresher. I’m feeling a bit more confident and consistent with the students, and find this time in the classroom to be extremely enlightening and productive. It’s amazing how quickly you get attached to students, learning more and more names, seeing particular weaknesses and strengths in different ones, and generally adapting to the “character” of each classroom. It's week 6 already. If only there was more time.

One very bright boy, who can also be quite disruptive if he is bored, has decided that he would like to go into the Marines when he gets out of school. He has began writing stories of his future “adventures”, and on Wednesday I had the distinct pleasure of reading a page of one of these dreams-placed-to-print. He had included conversations, all included in quotes, between himself and his marine leaders, involving him continually responding “Yes sir!” and to something else, again “Yes sir!”, until the unit leader shouts, “Stop saying that!”, to which the boy replies in his narrative: “Yes . . . I mean, I see what you mean sir!” It was humorous and enormously creative, and I found myself secretly praying that he would never lose his joy of writing, that it would not be worn out or eroded by life and time. Of course, one never knows. Time has a way of bringing us back to things even long after we’ve discarded them, so there’s always hope.

During their snack break one afternoon, I asked if they would like to hear a few funny poems from a book that I had. It was Shel Silverstein’s book Where the Sidewalk Ends , and there were several humorous selections that they found entertaining. Though it wasn’t part of any particular lesson, one girl remembered that this was the same author who’d written The Giving Tree, and pointed out the similarities in the pictures of both books. They asked if I could find more of his books to bring in, and I said that I would definitely try if there was time. Time is, of course, both inside and outside the classroom, the final enemy.

Context Clues

If life leaves you a little bewildered, even disappointed at times, take heart- this is as it should be. We were made for far, far better lands than these. Imagine wanting to read Shakespeare, but only having preschool stories to look at. It is the same here. If heaven were not true, why would it ever even enter our minds to think of something better than this life? The very fact that we question may be our eternal answer.

The Stranger Among Us

If Christianity is real and true, then our religion should reflect it. We should go in with a real heart for change, believing in spirits, demons, evil, profound goodness and forgivesness, knowledge that we have bodies but that we are spirits . . . in short, it's all or nothing. If it becomes merely a weekly ritual, full or habits we don't understand or merely tradition with very little meaning, then we have lost. It will have no more importance than the tradition of taking your hat off when you enter a house, or getting off of work for President's Day. May we never get to the point in our worship when a knock to our church door by the Lord is greeted with irritated sighs. "We were having such a nice meeting and service, what's He doing here?"

Daily Dangers

Some have Christ in their heart without even knowing it yet, people who may, in fact, not even believe. Others who profess to know Him, and follow every letter of the Law, may in the end be found to be strangers at the gates. We must check ourselves with humility constantly.

Friends or Enemies

Love your enemies, and pray for them, for the one who is your enemy today may be your greatest ally on down the road tomorrow. Keep in mind that the path we tread is a very long one, and often the people who we think are the closest to us and would never leave our side will turn out to be terrible adversaries, while those who may have done us wrong in the past will repent somewhere far down the road, being turned into soldiers with far better hearts than we could have possibly imagined. They may even become closer friends than the ones we'd put so much trust in. Just remember that much of what we see and feel here is so temporary, for our book has many, many chapters. Eternity is, indeed, a very long time . . .

As A Man Believeth

Once you begin to believe that all things are possible, something amazing starts to happen: it slowly begins to come true. The prison door, seemingly forever locked, is opened not from the outside but from within.

Internal Road Signs

Too often I think we avoid at all costs moments of feeling down, or empty, or low, when in fact these are things He needs for us to experience at times. The body occasionally must be allowed to be sick and work through it to finally be well without antibiotics, or we risk having weak immune systems. It is the same here. Perhaps we are down because we have something in our life we need to change, or somewhere we need to move, or even because we are simply not where He wants us to be. Few get depressed for no reason at all, and I think too often we want to sweep these negative feelings under the rug quickly, place them in a closet out of sight, and find something . . . anything to fill us back up again. What if He means for us to be miserable, even for a moment? What if that is the only way possible that we will ever change- the only method to push us toward a better road? It may not be quite as far fetched as you may think. Some people have extremely strong intuition, and can even "sense" when something bad is going to happen to themselves or a loved one. Perhaps, at times, this dreadful, empty feeling is our own God-given intuition that all is not right- that we must change something to make ourselves better. He may have woven into our souls an internal warning light, as powerful as the impulse to pull our hand away from a hot stove or fire or pain. What we see as hopelessness, may just be a stop sign. The road you were on is at an end, and He means for you to turn and go another route. It may be when we feel the most lost that we are the closest to Him and what He wants for us. Just keep listening . . .

03/7

"To resist crying may be a manly, mature, most upstanding thing. To no longer be able to ever be moved to tears, however, may be one of the worst things."

The Hesitant Stone

Pray for perfection, not perfection as the world sees it, but as He sees it. But be warned, if you pray for Him to make you perfect, He will do just that. It's an operation that may be uncomfortable, intrusive, time consuming, possibly even painful. The formless lump of stone that begs a sculptor to make him into a statue may have no idea just what is coming. The stone may have in its mind that it will be a quick, magical transformation to a beautiful work of art- but this rarely happens in the natural world. There will be sanding down in some areas, lopping off corners in others, some large parts will have to come off entirely. At times it will seem like the stone is not being sculpted, but destroyed. The poor stone, trusting his fate to this great sculptor, may decide that it's just not worth it. It's so much better being a simple, ordinary, mediocre- safe- stone. If we want to be perfect, we must stand still, even when it seems He is doing terrible things, and just trust. Many will walk away, half finished, deciding that it is far better to be ordinary people than to go through all of this. Take heart, He means to make us more than statues. One day, these perfect stone forms will come to life.

The Eternal Trip Home

If there is nothing beyond this life, if all that exists is here and now, then what we have experienced in this moment of time is nothing more than a temporary dream, shadows and fog that will not be remembered. It will be as the shooting star, bright for a moment, but in the end, useless and forgotten. But if, as I suspect, this is the preamble to another life entirely- then my God, what sights we shall ultimately see! The whispers are everywhere, hints at things to come, things never seen nor imagined by human eyes- light brighter than any ever glimpsed here, reunions of spirits, places at the stone table, a roaring fire in the fireplace, good conversation lasting not for hours, but centuries. Things that seemed so difficult and trying are now the topic of almost fond rememberances, everyone almost talking over each other because there is so much to say, and no constraints of the enemy of Time. Knowing all this is before us, shall we still cling to this life in the end?

Week 5 Reflection in the Classroom

My lesson on the Shel Silverstein book The Giving Tree went very well on Monday. There were things that I saw could be changed, but overall I found the reactions of the students to be very knowledgeable and receptive. I’m finding myself slowly getting use to the routine throughout the day. At first, the kids changing classes was like mass confusion: one group of kids replacing another, many were leaving to go to special classes and coming back in during lessons, and I wasn’t sure who it would be best to stay with or go with to observe. Lately, however, I’m finding that I am getting acquainted with both sets of classes and they are also getting very use to seeing me. So many who would never before ask for help are now calling me over to look at their work, to listen to them read, or just to talk to me and tell me what is going on in their day. You definitely get attached to kids fast, I can see that teaching is a rewarding career path, but can also see how it could just as easily be a heartbreaking one.
On Wednesday, the classes were beginning their unit on Dr. Seuss. I read them the book “Better Butter Side Up”, which I had never read before introducing it to the children. In a way, we discovered it together, which made it a more novel experience. It tells the story of two sets of people constantly fighting with each other and building a huge wall to separate them from each other. They each keep building bigger and better machines to fight with, until they each end up at a standoff with a single, small bomb- but who will drop it first? The students seemed to really enjoy it, but were perplexed by the ending. There were no neat “wrap-ups”, no clear answers or “happily-ever-after” moments, just a kind of “wait . . . wait and see”. I explained to them that stories do not always end the way we think they will or should, but that sometimes it is better for them to keep us thinking. These can even be the best kinds of stories. This way we can use our imaginations to think about, or predict, what happened to the people in the story. A few of them shrugged their shoulders and went back to their desk, while one boy thought a moment and nodded in agreement. He quickly moved back to his desk and continued on being a young boy, but I suspect he had grown a little just from thinking it over. One girl, as she walked by me, asked to look at the book for a while. Taking it to her desk, she said that she would figure out how it really ends and maybe write about it. With that, I decided that we would all have to wait . . . simply wait and see. The ending may in fact be the very best part.

Seeing the Fruit

How you treat others is in direct proportion to your love for Him. There is no way around it. We are not just here to "put up with" other human beings until we get to heaven. Relationships are essential. People should always be our top priority- serving others, building them up, providing opportunities, reaching and connecting constantly, every day. The man who says that he loves boating with all his heart but hates going anywhere near the water doesn't know what he is talking about. Better he should brave the sea, forgetting for a while all about being a "good boater", and learn to love all that is around him. Later, when he has done all this, he will not have to tell anyone that he is a boat lover. They will see it without him even saying a word. The same is true for us. If I never told anyone that I was a Christian, or loved God, may they always see it in me, even if I never spoke a word about it to them.

The Big Move, Part 1

He means for us to empty our lives of the useless clutter from the past. It's as if our souls are like a hugh moving truck, overpacked with decaying furniture, bad out-of-date paintings and dusty, broken tables and chairs. As much as He wants to fill us with new and better things, it is impossible until we manage to unload all of those items we have held on to for so long. We have kept so many things that are no longer necessary, that we have outgrown, some things we've even forgotten that we had packed in our soul- sadnesses from childhood, pains, failures- all negative energy we no longer need. The day has come. It is time to begin unpacking, getting rid of all these things once and for all. He wants our large trucks empty, so that He may fill them completely with the new, pure, clean, hopeful, positive things He has in store for us. Then, once filled to overflowing with the right things, we will be set on the day when our trucks pull off for the Big Move. We will be on our way to the Mansion.

Longings Fulfilled

Some day we will find our way back to those moments we long for: those times we look back on and nearly have to catch our breath, the times of joy when things lined up so perfectly, times that seemed like they would last forever. Take heart, one day we will not just be able to have these moments again, but find that which is far more real than any of our treasured experiences. The longing we have felt, and never quite been able to fully satisfy here, will be quenched at last. We have admired the light of stars from the ground for so long, it may go unnoticed how much more we really want from them. Finally to be a part of it, to bathe in it, filled with it, overflowing with utter joy. Longings found, we discover that what our soul has whispered to us all of our lives wasn't just wishes or pipe dreams- but prophecy.

Transcripts

In the Bible, what we have are transcripts of messages from the Lord, taken by men who often spent most of their lives in quiet, silent, meditative prayer. While no doubt these men brought with them their own biases, feelings, concerns, even prejudices of the day, this is not a reason to simply discount it. They were closer in tune than we are, and wrote what they heard from the heart. Personally, I believe it is probably the most accurate guide we have as to what God is like, what He expects, and what we are to do. The problem today is that we haven't taken the time to listen to his voice. There is too much static- too much in the way: ego, life concerns, technology-at-every-moment, sin, self, and an assortment of other problems that keep us from fully tuning in. Like a bad radio signal, we can just barely decipher a voice- a personality, speaking through fuzz and hiss. If you have ever tried to listen to a speech or a bit of news, or even a game on the radio station that wasn't coming in very well, you know what I mean. At first, it is impossible to decipher. You hear a few key words, then static, then a few more. If it's something you really want to hear, and you keep listening diligently, you'll find something else begins to happen. The jumbled parts become clearer, you find that you know what is going on and being said- even if you miss a few words here and there, you can generally keep up. This is because our mind craves patterns, and will in time put the puzzle pieces together as we listen. I think it is the same thing with His voice. Our spirit, much like the mind, craves patterns from Him. The more you focus, the more you listen in quiet with an open heart, the more you will hear. Most of us can't get beyond our own personal prayers, our own concerns, what we want, what we think we need- to just stop, sit and listen. A few get irritated with the static and will quickly move on to a clearer station- after all, there are so many out there that are easier to hear. But for the few who stay to listen, to wait for the static to lift or to clear, we may find a message that will change our lives forever.

Week 4 Reflection in the Classroom (3rd Grade)

Week 4 was a very eventful week at Jones Elementary. All of the teachers had to go to an hour long conference on Monday, so I got to go over a chapter with the class for their social studies lesson. They were reading about the branches of government and the balancing of powers in Washington. After going over some of the information, I asked them why they thought it was not a good idea to have one branch, or even one person, be in control of everything. What did they think might happen? For a few moments, the students sat quiet, then responses began pouring in: “one person might make a law that was unfair” came from a bright boy at the back of the room. A girl up front mentioned a concern: “what if they made all girls not be able to go outside?" I pointed out that in many countries, women don’t have as many rights as men for this very reason. It also might lead to total control by one person, called a “dictator”. Many already knew this term and mentioned Hitler as being a dangerous type of figure. Later, in a section on the Supreme Court building, they looked at pictures comparing it with Greek architecture and ruins, quickly seeing many of the similarities such as the large columns we use in many of our high ranking buildings today.

I had planned on teaching my first Geometry lesson on Wednesday afternoon on the different types of triangles, but there were some schedule changes, so I just decided to come in on Friday to teach it since I have no classes on that day. It turned out to be a tremendous learning experience. My lesson involved introducing an assortment of triangles and having the children make many of these on geoboards that Ms. Spake had provided. Too add depth to the discussion, and also to provide a link to prior knowledge and real life learning, I brought in a collage of many ordinary, everyday items that contained triangles. These included pictures of a sailboat, the top of a house, a mountaintop, slices of pie, tortilla chips and others. What I had not planned for was the transition time between discussing the topic and actually implementing the lesson. Passing out the geoboards, and then the rubber bands to use on them, I found that I truly had planned poorly for all of the time this seemed to take. In my mind beforehand, of course, it was pictured as flowing easily, but the kids were restless and continually seemed to be getting off task. Although they did seem to get a great deal from my instruction on triangles and making them on the boards, I felt it could have went much smoother. Luckily, Ms. Spake gave great feedback to me about the things that worked, the things that could be changed as well as steps to modify. Rather than having them each do their own triangles and being on different pages from each other, it would have been better to go through it slowly and methodically, step by step with them. They could all construct one triangle and hold it up for me to see before we moved on as a class. Since the next group would be coming in for Geometry, she asked if I would teach the lesson again to them. Agreeing to this, I found myself going through it a second time: only now, things seemed to flow much better. I took time to let the students describe triangles they see every day, asked them to point out ones they saw in the classroom, and went through each type of triangle thoroughly. Students were heavily involved this time, even coming up to the geoboard showing me how a right triangle could be “flipped”, and still be a right triangle. I found that my confidence had gained a bit since last time, and my more relaxed attitude permeated the class and the rest of my lesson. Generally, they all stayed on task with every item I had them do, and the difference was like night and day. After they went on to music, Ms. Spake went over the points of my lesson with me. She told me that often, teaching a lesson a second time will give you the needed room to improve on things that didn’t work, and can also cement in the things that did. Later, she had to leave for about thirty minutes and I was in the room with her parapro teacher. The students were working on their math sheets and I happened to notice that one girl was mumbling something to herself as she worked. It turns out that it was one of the concepts I had taught them to help them remember the name for an isosceles triangle: “I see two sides that are the same, like my two eyes, isosceles.” It was really amazing how seemingly small, insignificant changes can make a world of difference in a lesson. In everything we do, we always learn and evolve. As C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn . . . my God, you learn.”

Less- and More

This same God that created the heavens and the earth and everything in it and outside of it, even time itself, has- most thankfully- a very real personality. This is one area where Christianity parts ways with many other worldly belief systems. They refer to God as a "force"- or perhaps mere "energy". While I can't deny any of that as fact, it immediately strikes me as sort of a half-description, and a rather poor one at that. It's like saying that your mother or your father is "a mass of cells" or "brain matter". You might as well describe a Picasso painting as "colors", or a book of Shakespeare as "word symbols". While all of these descriptors may be true, they are somehow pitifully inaccurate ways of explaining what I like to call the Real Thing. Clearly the person who calls your loved one "a mass of cells" may in fact be scientifically accurate, but it tells me right away that they never really knew them.

Uncommon Blessings

I'm finding myself changing- each day becoming more and more open with others, more willing to "wear my heart on my sleeve", to say and do things that before I either wouldn't have taken the time to do or never would have even thought about. Like the young boy learning to write, I may have finally started crossing my "t"'s per'se- the Great Teacher, in His infinite wisdom, allowed me to fail and flounder in my own horrible choices long enough to learn what happens when I rely solely on myself. My focus is improving, my strenth is growing, and finally, after 37 some-odd years, I'm beginning to see clearly for the first time. I see miracles in situations that before would have seemed mundane, or even tiresome. The biggest change is in the way that I see people- they are becoming of utmost concern to me, the urge to help, to heal, to comfort, to connect is almost staggering - was it always there? Did I simply never notice? I'm also noticing that the more I open myself to others, the more they are opening to me: even ones that I thought I was already open with- there are new discoveries, bright and wonderful each day. And here's the best thing- the wondrous discoveries are not in myself, but in others. All this time, for all these years, I have been completely surrounded by the greatest of uncommon blessings. It's just that now I've finally begun to notice . . .

The Door

The thing that you fear the most, the thing you avoid and go around at all costs, that one thing you just really don't want to deal with- this same thing will be the door that opens you to a better life. Having the courage to finally go through it is the key, and it will make all the difference.

Lights

When you're gone, no one will ever say that you loved too much, that you cared wrecklessly for your fellow man, that you spent too much time with family and friends, that you shouldn't have helped and laughed quite so much. These are the things that will last forever in the souls of all you touched. They won't remember if you wore the latest fashion, if you knew how to spin things to make yourself look good, if you were quick witted and sarcastic, but hollow- for these are things that burn bright for a second or two, and then fade away like a shooting star. The good things stay fixed, like the eternal lights in the sky that burn on for centuries.

Learning Curve

My, God- sometimes I think that I will never learn. Just when I think I've got it all figured out, that I'm well on my way to excellence, that I'm doing and saying all of the right things, it is just then that He pulls the rug out from under me. It's not anything malicious, but it was clear as crystal. You see, when we think we're moving in the right direction, the focus becomes more on ourselves and less and less on others and, unfortunately, the Lord. This is exactly the opposite way that it should have been. In just a few days or weeks, we put Him slowly on the back burner of our lives- oh, we say a prayer of course, but do we realize that nothing else in life or the world is going to matter if He is not in it, of it, and within it always? His voice came very strong to me today, as I sat in class thinking of all that had to be done and many other stresses, His voice came like a whisper, but one I've slowly begun to recognize: "there must be less and less of you and more of others . . . and Me. Put me first, and all other things will work themselves out in due time. Then your sights will be clear and paths will be straight." I suspect all of our stresses and concerns, problems and difficulties, even the ones you think are slight and unimportant, could begin to be repaired if He became the sole focus. Like the boy who couldn't learn to swim because he was so concentrated on the fact that he might NOT be able to, we are centered on the wrong things. Thankfully, He provides a learning curve- especially as you get closer to Him: the thoughts you would have brushed away and kept worrying, now warrant a closer look. You are developing wisdom, because you are beginning to listen. As C.S. Lewis once said, "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

Elusive Joys

There is a reason our Lord said that it’s better to give than to receive- it’s because it is true. In the end, givers are satisfied that they have provided for others and leave life with very few regrets. Takers never know such joy. Their entire life is spent childishly taking and wanting more, never realizing that life is meant to work in the reverse. I’m afraid that in the end most of them would give away all that they have ever gotten for just one moment of contentment, of purpose, of hope, of joy. And even then, seeking and wanting these things, they still fail to see that they can now never have them, because they have never given them.

Prophecy Foretold

In time or out of time
Why do those sorrowful, hopeful, melodious notes
Seem to play on every chord of my soul?
A song comes on, and then the strings begin
I know not what it is about them, is it prophecy?
Is it a lost, by-gone dream? A shadow of a previous life?
Is it an orchestra that lives within my heart or just an illusion
He seems to live in those notes, you know the ones-
Those ones that make you catch your breath, but you don't know why;
Every note seems to line up for only a moment or two, then
just as quickly gone- like a breeze that touched your face, then disappeared
All at once you are sad, hopeful, longing- for something else, somewhere else
Another time, one long since past . . . yet here within your heart, longing
Is it nostalgia, or maybe something more? Perhaps I'll never know
Just play the song again, any song- as long as I can feel the notes again
Maybe one day it will make sense, the notes were guiding me elsewhere
Into the clean, new, brightness of his sun- sunset and sunrise together
Youth that never ends, notes that finally reached my very soul
It was, all the while, a prophecy foretold

Ghosts, Spirits, & Other Ways Home

If we are to believe in the presence of ghosts at all (and I think that I do), it should be a cautionary belief, for what we are dealing with is truly beyond our rational explanations. Here we have presences that have clearly not moved on, for probably a host of reasons. I suspect that a great many are like students who were on their way to school and turned wrong- got off track, possibly for hundreds of years of our time, ignoring the regular route and choosing to go their own way (it seems we may still be blessed and curse with free choice, even after death for a time). They may have changed their course for what seemed to them to be good reasons: perhaps a sick relative, a feeling of things unfinished, an overly concerned heart for a loved one or a real attachment to a paticular place. There are also others who have undoubtedly remained for selfish reasons, refusing to do what they should because there may be advantages of staying here (so they believe) - or perhaps they know that certain punishment awaits and are playing a game of "spiritual hookey" for a while, surviving on the energy of the living people around them- on fear, on regret, but probably primarily negative energy (positive energy would be a certain trip home). Whatever the reasons, the fact that they are here is probably more tragedy than adventure, in every sense of the word. The idea of the ghost who lives forever happily haunting people with playful goodwill is more than likely a human invention. They must, eventually, find their way home- as we all must do. Perhaps they are the ones who Christ spoke of, as being called back at the time of the end- the Great Reckoning of all spirits "living and dead". All of this is my own theories, and it is not necessary to believe any of it- the Bible is quite silent on these matters, for it is a book written for the living, not the dead. The truly regrettable thing is the living man, walking about his life as though a ghost- never reaching out or touching any other soul. They may be in a far worse predicament than our lost, ghostly travelers.

Taking the Time

Talking with the students, asking them questions, getting their actual opinions on things, sitting down with them a few minutes throughout the day to see how things are going, listening to them and finding out what they are interested in . . . the key is to try and take the time to get to know the kids in your classroom. What are they interested in? How do they learn best? What's their background? Elementary grades children are still very open and honest for the most part, and generally want to talk about themselves, their likes and dislikes, their concerns, and their hopes and fears. This single act- this getting to know each student on a personal level, should never be seen as wasted time. Even if it takes a few moments away from a lesson, the fact that you cared enough to inquire about them may just put you and the entire class miles ahead of where you might have been had you simply flown in and started teaching without building any relationships. Students that respect you, that know you care about them and their lives, will perform in the classroom for you, particularly in the elementary grades (but even, I suspect, later on as well). The field that you planted and toiled and took the time to do the smallest of things with care and concern, will reap for you abundantly in the long run. Your class will come back to you wanting to learn, to please, to grow - simply because you took the time, possibly just a few moments in your day. What is left will be children overflowing with possibility, and for the teacher . . . unlimited returns.

Reflections of a Third Grade Classroom

The first week in the school at Bremen (H.A. Jones Elementary) went very well. My first day in Mrs. Strickland’s classroom was very exciting, as the mayor of Bremen was coming in to speak to the entire third grade class and take questions from the students. Basically the entire third grade hall ended up in Mrs. Strickland’s room, where the mayor sat and began a small but interesting discussion. Some of the things that the children asked were very thought provoking, and tied into what they were already studying about local and city government. I liked the way they tied all this in to lessons that were currently being taught, it really seemed to bring what they were learning home in a real-world perspective. On a humorous note, the teachers went over a few things before the mayor got there, such as what questions were appropriate and which ones were not. They told them not to ask her age or whether she was married or had children. Naturally the first question asked by a young boy was, “Ms. Sewell, how old are you? Do you feel old?” All of the teachers simply smiled and glanced at each other, then down towards the ground. The boy was inquisitive, and it wasn’t done in any type of mean-spirited way. Kids certainly will be kids.

I really enjoyed going with the students when they changed classes to go to Science. Ms. Spake, the science teacher, had a big jar of clean, clear water at the front of the room. As they all walked in, they were all immediately interested in what “experiment” they would be doing today. Ms. Spake passed out a small vial or container to each child with writing on it, telling them not to open it, but to bring it to the front when they were called to. As she read them a story about pollution and its effects on the water supply, each student on cue would come to the front and dump their “chemical” into the large jar of water, while the rest of the class observed the reaction. They also answered questions about whether the water was still drinkable, if you could still swim in it in relative safety, or if it would contaminate surrounding areas. Everyone in the classroom seemed energized in this experiment, and I really liked how everyone was involved. Later in the day, I overheard the kids in the hall still talking about it. On the playground, some boys were even doing their own “experiments”.

On Wednesday I was able to help the students with their journal topics, answering questions, reading over them with the children or giving advice on their writing. One young girl was writing her paper on brown bats in Georgia, and asking me if I knew all of the places that they lived. I saw so much happening in third grade, I found it to be a really eclectic age. Boys were playing football one minute and writing stories and doing art the next. Girls straddle the fence at different times between being interested in fashion and clothing to clowning around, doing research, creating, and finding discoveries. Third grade, from what I have observed, may be a truly perfect age in so many ways.

Week 2 saw an introduction of the topic of natural disasters and volcanoes in the third grade science class. Ms. Spake asked if I would like to read through the topics with the class, as some of the students are still having a difficult time with reading, particularly out loud. The magazine that the children had to look over was a simple, three page student paper with various pictures about interesting subjects. As I read to them, I tried to pause after a few sentences to see if everyone understood what the article was trying to say. I also put in some interesting tidbits that I remember hearing about volcanoes, how the ash goes straight up in the air and makes living anywhere nearby very deadly. Everyone was jumping up, talking about things they had heard about volcanoes on television, especially some of the boys who seemed concentrated on the gruesomeness of the fate of some people caught by the raining lava, which I secretly found kind of cool. It was really a lively discussion, but soon I had to steer them back to what we were doing. The class also read up on giraffes, how much TV kids should be watching per night, and the world’s biggest meatball. I asked them how much spaghetti they thought we might need for a meatball as big as the one pictured in the magazine, which was probably the size of a big desk. Needless to say I got a variety of answers. One boy said, “spaghetti piled as tall as me!” A girl answered, “probably as big a plate as this whole classroom”. It was an enlightening discussion. All of the articles contained their vocabulary words, which I went over while reading each story. One young girl, who always makes sure to stand or sit near me wherever I go, has trouble remembering my name. She asked if she can just call me ‘Mr. Dude’.

Wednesday was a short day for the students, they were leaving at 12:00 noon, but the teachers had parent conferences for the rest of the day. Mrs. Strickland and Ms. Spake let me sit in on several of the conferences, which was extremely interesting. I noticed that the teachers would always say how much they enjoyed the students being in their room to each parent before getting to things that needed to be worked on. Children who were struggling in math had the option to take an after school special session, giving them extra help from 3:30-4:15, which parents were given the option of signing up for. Each conference was scheduled for fifteen minutes. I learned a great deal about many of the students and issues they had been having, about ones who were struggling and others that had improved by leaps and bounds. There were parents on the verge of tears because they didn’t know what to do with a child that had problems in certain subjects, and other parents clearly so proud of their children, some really didn't seem to care either way. Sitting there I kept wishing that I could help all of them, to tell them that anything is possible and that all children can be turned around and saved. When you finally see where a child is coming from, you begin to get a better sense of where they are in the classroom, who they are as a person, and what they one day might become. There’s less sense of just a blurry mass of kids, they become real people. As teachers we can provide them with limitless possibilities.

Book, Books, and More

Always grow, move forward, evolve- your life should become like a wonderful, overstuffed library; by the end (or should I say, beginning), there should be thousands and thousands of books overflowing with the great things that you did in life - helping others, growing, improving, falling back, getting up again, loving, hoping, laughing, crying. Never let it be said that the ones who came after you only found an empty space, with no idea what it was you did here. Have them unable to do anything but sit on the floor and start reading, laughing at all of your great adventures. Leave them with something special.

New Discoveries

It's quite a thing when you finally realize that you're going to live forever. Things take on a whole new meaning, almost like a dimly lit room that has suddenly for the first time been opened up with several windows, allowing sunlight to stream in on places you had either forgotten about or never noticed before. There is also no longer any "easy way out" from yourself- a book that you thought was 3 pages will be read very differently when you discover suddenly that it's a thousand (and that's just volume 1). Every person you meet, every stranger that you pass suddenly becomes a bit more important. As it turns out, they too will live forever. This person you know, or met, or casually talk to, or just pass on the street, may be the greatest of kings or queens in His kingdom- they may also be an unholy horror, full of negative energy that will either get better or worse throughout the Ages. There are no "simple" people anymore- the secret is out, the blinders are off, the curtain has not simply fallen but has disintegrated before my very eyes. We should approach every single soul with utmost seriousness . . . and maybe even a sense of awe.

Forgiven

Forgive often, for the ones who need it the most will be the ones you least want to give it to. The ones that you KNOW did what they did out of evilness or spite or stubbornness- the ones who seem to have a heart of ice and couldn't care less, the ones who smile as they do and say wicked things, the ones who are unloveable and whose hearts seem to overflow with darkness every minute of the day. It's an interesting thing when you take the time to forgive- you actually begin to see other sides to a person that has wronged you: what a terrible life they must lead, what unhappiness and misery they have taken on as their own shield that is slowly killing them, how little they . . . love. We may be surprised at the end of days, when our souls are unwrapped by the great Master, and we are able to see ourselves for what we really are (or have been), how much alike this person we really are. How shocking to see the times when we were evil or stubborn, or had a heart of ice. I'd forgotten the time I smiled when I hurt that person, or how much my own heart at times overflowed with darkness and I really could have cared less. At that moment, more than any other, I will be so thankful to have forgave . . . and been forgiven.

World Without End

We are always growing, always changing, constantly evolving. This is how He wants it. There will never come a time on earth (and probably not in heaven, either) where the work is done and you can sit back and say "it is finished". There may be a time, hundreds of thousands of years from now (as we measure time) where we are still growing and achieving more than we did the day before. This is only a theory, but I suspect it is true (and if it's not, it is of no consequence). Our God is easy to please, but difficult to satisfy, and this likely remains true even after death- possibly more so. When we are finally given the keys to the kingdom, we may just discover that there are many more glorious doors to go through, only without the constraints of time. So many rooms, so much to do. Ever changing and growing in Him, getting better and better, further and further away from where we started, and eons away from where we were just the day before-with no end in sight, only glorious beginnings.